Saturday, October 21, 2006

Return of the C.

I know I know, revelations is a chapter in the bible and in modern days who cares about the bible. Except as I now know, who reads this shit anyway so might as well say it all. Might as well just keep on tapping out my bad spelling and non-existant grammer revalations. Let the good times roll.

tonght i popped out a sentence I had not said in a very long time. The second I said it, I wondered why the hell not? Then I realized I am coming off the best and worst year of my adult life.

Recap: So far this year i have been fired for bad reasons (lies) while good ones did exist, but not why I was fired. ost love more times than I could count, been Layed off because I fixed things too fast and became 'obsolete' and quit a Job that paid OK because it bored me too death and being there became a monster for me. Lived in 3 cities, and generally been so unbalanced I barely know me.

Fired: Living in Denver, shit happening, and forgot what was most important. This carries over to other things, I do what I do because IT IS FUN. You get to set up a party daily. Friends come over and you make sure the food it right, they have plenty to drink, and all the guests are having fun. I have always done this, home or work, done this. And suddenly it became a job, suddenly it became second fiddle, suddenly it became a choir. moved on. Wish I could say it did not get way too deep in my head, Wish it did not mess me up going from golden child to 'must get rid of'. Which this had not shook me to my core, made me doubt who I am, what I know, and that i can do ANYTHING. Except grammer........

Quit: So the place was ghetto, done that. So the staff could care less, done that. So the bosses had no clue what to do and all looked to me to fix it since they had no clue how too, done that. The difference this time was I did not believe in the place either. It was DESIGNED to draw ghetto, if you can not see it your blind. Do not promise a future you can not deliver, I am gonna be fired one day and personally i prefer not too be, not when i have:

Layed off: Incredible offer. Points on the back side, lower salary but all kinds of creative influence. Fix the current issues so I can expand faster. Tell me when I can not afford something since I do not kow on my own. Design systems for me since I have none. All sounds great unless you solve issues too fast. Design systems faster than expected and now the 'brain' thinks you will not be needed so why give you points off of gross. Make an excuse, fuck you, and pretend to feel bad while hiding behind employees. Bitches.

So back to tonight, Had a waitress babbling about her issues and damn them and its not fair and i am in a bad mood whateverthefuck crap she whined about. Out of nowhere i recall, I do this because its FUN. I know I can earn more elsewhere. I know I can work less doing something else. But; I like what i do, I am VERY good at it. So no matter what, I do this because I like it. Something I have forgotten for all of '06, Something I can not forget again. When you forget who you are, and what you are capable of, you forget you have a soul. And if I have a soul, it wants to poke all the other souls in the eye. Just to say I did it. Insert Hip-hop background music anywhere you wanna, its the return of the C.


At 12:15 AM, Blogger La Gringa said...

Well, I read it.

I'm sorry you have been in such a funk lately. It is tough on the ego to be fired or laid off, even when you know you didn't deserve it.

I hope things perk up and that you feel happier soon.

At 7:40 AM, Blogger thephoenixnyc said...

Thou needest some stability. Home, job, relationships. You need smooth and steady, even if less than exciting, for a while.

At 4:37 PM, Blogger Liar_Liar said...

Not sure funk is the right term but thank you LG

Phoenix: You should know, stability comes from within. External is always unstable.


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