Friday, November 10, 2006

A week in review

In the life of a restaurant manager:

As pointed out for a long time I was living in a manner where the strangeness of things sometimes did not jive with what I have always considered normal, I.e. people tried to be nice all the time, friggin weirdo's I know. So I think we need to add to the blog an occassional week in review, now that i get to actually say something without the whole place gasping for air when I do again.

1. Standing at the bar chatting about how much my bartender lost on all these college teams who can not seem to cover a spread when these creepy aussie walks up: 'ummm, you look to be a man about town here, where would a gentleman like me find a ummm, well, ahhhh, lady companionship??'
"Sir, are you asking me if I know where you can find a hooker?"
"no no no no no no no, well, you know mate, just a friend for the evening"
"Well, last I checked they were sorta mobile but I am willing to bet you could order one to come meet you online."
"I know that, but I prefer not to do something like that"
"why? its almost like ordering an orgasm from a sears catalog"
"Look, I just want directions, know anywhere??"
"No, but I could guess, try the all nude bar, Willing to bet the naked chicks are always looking for side jobs. there is one on this street, maybe 3-4 miles from here, i can call you a cab"
"Thanks mate, here's for your trouble"
hands me 3 dollars. 3.
"LOL, sir, if thats how you tip..... You might wanna try crack row."

2. Man and 'woman' sit at a table and they start exploring the wine list, she wants far niete, 250.00 a bottle. He wants williamette, 57.95 a bottle, and they back and forth, see where the issue lies?? So finally he says, 'GOD, I need to use the restroom, order something decent" meaning reasonably priced I bet. So she orders a bottle of 01 Opus One, 285.00 a bottle. the server brings it, the man see's it just as the cork pops, and looks, shall we say, unhappy at the hookers order (yes she was a hooker, and apparently one who planned on a full nights pay in some form or another).
"Cough, Cough, i think the bottle has turned.... that stuff is terrible."
Server freaks and grabs me, aw shucks.
"Sir" post tasting" the Wine is perfect, its the perfect temperature, it has a crisp finish, please what is the problem with the wine?"
"Maybe its just not my taste, it had a funny taste to me, almost rubbery" (Are you INSANE???)
"Ok sir, maybe we could find you something more to your liking, what would you care for?"
An order of J Lohr later (52.50 a bottle) he is drinking his swill happy as pie. Well now I have an uncorked bottle of 01 Opus one, thats been in our cellar for over a year so it is unreturnable, comp'ed so the store gets 50% credit for it, and one very annoyed Hooker on my patio. Whats a restaurant manager to do?? Nothing, Its 1 a.m., I am off, and the Opus one is Friggin awesome.

You did not believe for a second I was throwing that away did you??


At 2:16 PM, Blogger thephoenixnyc said...

Yo Bitch, I'm back. What's with all the hookers and hooker talk in your joint?

What kind of a place do you keep anyway?

At 4:38 PM, Blogger Bound for Ceiba said...

52 bucks for swill???

It may not be Opus One, but shit, for 52 bucks I hope that one was good too.

Happy birthday, by the way...

At 4:49 PM, Blogger Liar_Liar said...

Definitely not up to the par of the other selections.

And keep in mind a 52.00 bottle there is like 9.00 retail, nothing to write home about.......

A place free of WOP's normally, you know, classy.

At 11:34 AM, Blogger thephoenixnyc said...

Happy Brithday.


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